Peter, Peter, Pumpkin Eater LbNA # 12838
|Placed Date||Dec 19 2004|
Due to road construction, the original letterbox became no longer accessible. Therefore, it has been moved to a new location and is once more alive and well!
Peter, Peter, pumpkin eater, had a wife and couldn’t keep her. He put her in a pumpkin shell, and there he kept her very well.
Or, so he thought! But he was wrong, ‘cause pumpkin shells don’t last that long. It rotted in a week or two and now there’s just a pile of goo!
Now, as for Penny, Peter’s wife, she yelled, “I’m running for my life! That pumpkin shell’s a soggy heap, so he can take a flying leap!”
When Peter saw that pile of goop, he said, “My wife done flew the coop! I’ve got to find her, if I can, before she finds another man!”
So Peter took off down the path to try and find his better half. Folks claim she took off yelling, “Whee! No pumpkin shell! I’m free! I’m free!”
Now, Peter knew his missing mate was born and raised in Dorothy’s state. A place called Hays was her home town, so off he went to track her down.
He searched the dress shops, large and small. He looked in Wal-Mart and The Mall. He turned her in to Lost and Found and even checked the City Pound.
And then he saw her! Just by chance, he spied her polka dotted pants! It didn’t take a lot of brains to recognize those pumpkin stains!
He saw that speedy little lass there underneath the overpass. First she was there, then she was gone! She could have won a marathon!
“Well,” Peter thought, “that pace can’t last. No human being can run that fast!” But on she traveled, wild and free, like lightning down 183!
She headed north, straight out of town, and Peter hollered, “Please, slow down!” That did it! That old gal cut loose and took off like a scalded goose!
Then, Peter thought, "Oh, fiddlesticks," as she passed marker one five six just out of Hays, fast as a jet, and Peter yelled, "I'll catch you yet!"
Poor Peter! How he yelled and cussed when Penny left him in the dust! She reached the Saline River Bridge, and then she slowed down just a smidge.
She glanced at marker one six nine, raced on until she saw the sign, 1600 Saline River Road," and once again, her fast pace slowed.
"Good!" Peter thought. "She's wearing out! I'll catch her now, without a doubt!" But if he thought he'd won the chase, that sure as heck was not the case!
She didn't even stop to rest, but quickly turned and headed west. Straight down the chalky road she sped until she reached the bridge ahead.
Straight to the far west end she shot, but then her muscles went to pot! She looked for somewhere she could hide, then headed for the far north side.
She spied a black and yellow sign and made a very fast bee-line, slipped underneath the first block west and that is where she made her nest.
Poor Peter's shoulders sort of drooped. That pumpkin eater was plumb pooped! But, still he kept up with the pace until he reached her hiding place.
And that is where he smelled a smell that didn't smell so very well! "What is that smell I smell?" he said. "It smells like rotten pumpkin bread!"
And then he yelled, "Hip, hip hooray! My wife's close by! She smells that way!" (Well, after all, how would YOU smell, if YOU lived in a pumpkin shell!)
He sniffed the posts. He sniffed the rail. He thought, "I've got her by the tail! I see her polka-dots, no doubt, but how'll I ever get her out??"
That gal was wedged in pretty tight, but Peter tugged with all his might. 'Twas harder than he visualized. I swear that gal was magnetized!
Old Peter 'bout ran out of juice, but all at once he yanked her loose, and there she was, just sitting there with pumpkin seeds stuck in her hair!
"Oh, joy!" he cried. "I've found you, dear! Now, hurry! Let's get out of here!" He didn't know what fate he faced until he grabbed her 'round the waist!
She scratched his face! She stomped his toes! She punched him squarely in the nose! She clawed his eyes! She pulled his hair! She even ripped his underwear!
It took old Peter by surprise! She had more strength than ten her size! And man, you should have heard her swear! The words she used would curl your hair!
But Peter was the stubborn kind. He finally grabbed her from behind and then he tied that woman down and dragged her back to their hometown.
He hoisted her into the house, then he untied his captive spouse. He said, "Look what I have for you! A pumpkin shell that's spankin' new!"
Well, two months later, Dr. Blair dismissed him from Intensive Care. He's home again and doing well, there in that little pumpkin shell.
His wife moved out, and goodness knows, she came out smelling like a rose! But Peter...well, I've heard it said, he smells like rotten pumpkin bread!