Myrtle the Turtle**MIA** LbNA #14259 (ARCHIVED)
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Add Location| Owner: | Adoptable |
|---|---|
| Plant date: | Apr 5, 2005 |
| Location: | |
| City: | Rogue River |
| County: | Jackson |
| State: | Oregon |
| Boxes: | 1 |
| Planted by: | Erfellie  |
|---|---|
| Found by: | Calli-K |
| Last found: | Sep 9, 2005 |
| Status: | OFFFaaa |
| Last edited: | Apr 5, 2005 |
Currently missing, i will recarve and replace the stamp very soon!! sorry for the inconvenience!
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A mother and baby camel are talking one day when the baby camel asks, "Mom why have I got these huge three-toed feet?" The mother replies, "Well son, when we trek across the desert your toes will help you to stay on top of the soft sand."
"Okay," said the son. A few minutes later the son asks, "Mom, why have I got these great long eyelashes?" "They are there to keep the sand out of your eyes on the trips through the desert," "Thanks Mom," replies the son.
After a short while, the son returns and asks, "Mom, why have I got these great big humps on my back?" The mother, now a little impatient with the boy replies, "They are there to help us store fat for our long treks across the desert, so we can go without water for long periods."
"That's great mom, so we have huge feet to stop us sinking, and long eyelashes to keep the sand from our eyes and these humps to store water, but Mom ..." "Yes son?"
"Why the heck are we in the Denver Zoo?"
************************************************************
Myrtle the Turtle stood behind the curtain quivering in his shell, his knees knocking like walnuts. He felt like there were flies buzzing around in his tummy but he had to get control over his turtley self, he was next on stage.
************************************************************
Some racehorses were staying in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. "Out of my last 15 races, I've won 8!" Another horse breaks in, "Well out of my last 27 races, I've won 19!" "Oh that's good, but out of my last 36 races, I've won 28," says another, flicking his tail.
At this point, they notice that a greyhound has been sitting nearby listening. "I don't mean to boast," says the greyhound, "but out of MY last 90 races, I've won 88!"
The horses are clearly amazed. "Wow!" says one, after a hushed silence. "A talking dog."
************************************************************
The crowd erupted in laughter and hooted and hollered with applause as Ricky the Raccoon told his closing joke and left the stage. It was Myrtles turn now, his turn, the slow young turtles turn, he had been waiting for this moment his whole life and now here it was before him. This would be his very first time as a professional comedian on stage. As he slowly waddled out in front of the crowd he saw all his friends in the front row seats, ready to cheer him on. They all smiled at him and Tina the tortoise blew him a kiss, Sydney the Squirrel chattered enthusiastically, Frederick Von Frump the Frog croaked encouragingly, and Gary the Gecko slurped a gnat out of the air.
All of these friends made Myrtle feel more at home and gave him courage. He stood up and grabbed the microphone from the stand, dropped it, caught the cord, and pulled it back up to his face. “Testing! Testing 123! Hmmm seems to be working. Glad you all made it out of the swamp to join me here in the bog today.” There were a few hushed giggles.
Myrtle took another deep breath and then said, “So what do you get when you cross a turtle with I-5’s exit 48?…Turtle Soup Of Course!”.
Frederick, Sydney, Gary, and Tina laughed whole-heartedly while a cricket chirped off in the back row somewhere.
“So a turtle walks into a bar,” He contines,”and says to the bartender…’I would like a litre-O-Cola’. Bartender says “We don’t have a litre-O-Cola but if your turn left on Pine street, Left on Main street, and Right on West Evans Creek road you might find a liter-O-Cola at Palmerton Park.’
The crowd looked around apprehensively for another comic that was funnier but none was in sight. Frederick, Sydney, Gary, and Tina shifted in their seats nervously but laughed like it was the funniest joke they had ever heard. Frederick even inflated his head every time he croaked and was squeezed right out of his tiny chair. The crowd then erupted into fits of laughter; nearly choking with tears at the sight of Frederick and Myrtle felt a huge wave of relief. “They think I’m funny, thank goodness, I was so worried they wouldn’t think I was funny.” And he couldn’t help but smile with happiness and briefly wondered why Sydney, Gary and Tina were picking Frederick up off the floor and placing him back in his chair.
“So a teacher, a carpenter, and a salesclerk walk into the middle of a park and stand on a concrete slab fenced in by black rectangles. They stand there at the viewpoint staring at the big ‘turtle-green’ suspension bridge and the small pond below it and the teacher says, ‘Boy, there’s a lot of algae in that water’, the carpenter says, ‘That bridge looks fun to walk on’, the salesclerk says, ‘I bet I could sell both the algae and that bridge to that family of ducks down there for ten bucks, they look like a bunch of quackers!’
The cricket chirped again somewhere in the back row and the crowd stared at Frederick as if hoping to see his head inflate and flop out of his chair again. Myrtle had his eyes closed tightly, waiting to hear the laughter from the crowd, the delay worried him, but then Tina stood up a tap danced a jig and the crowd erupted in laughter once more as she slipped on the polished floor and crash landed right on to Sydney’s tail, which made Sydney jump out of his chair whack Gary in the head, making Gary’s eyes bug-out and his tongue fly out and stick to Frederick. Myrtle was thrilled and opened his eyes to the laughing crowd. “They really do like me, I can’t wait to tell Mama Turtle, the crowd loves me, and they want more!”
“How many concrete slabs does it take to make half a stairway? Six!” He continues, “What happens if you stand on the sixth stair that turns to face the pond? If you stand there facing the pond you might find a turtle sleeping under your left foot hidden behind ivy about six inches in from the front left corner of the slab!”
Even the cricket forgot to chirp at this one. Sydney jumped out of his chair and did his impersonation of the Terminator. He threw on his black Oakley sunglasses, whips out his black leather jacket from the back of his chair, puffs up his furry chest and points his fluffy tail straight out behind him menacingly, and with a severe overbite and badly yellowed buckteeth says “I’ll Be Bock!” in the deepest voice he could make his squeaky throat do. The Crowd went wild with laughter and applause. Tears formed in their eyes from laughing so hard and most of them fell right out of their chairs and rolled on the floor laughing and saying “Squeak, Squeak, Ill Be Bock, Squeak!”
Myrtle was in heaven, he announced to the crowd “Thank you so much my loyal and adoring fans, may we meet again soon for more great jokes!” The crowd went instantly silent, looked dumbfounded, pulled themselves off the floor to look at Myrtle, and then dropped to the floor again laughing and rolling and holding their bellies, “Squeak, Squeak”.
Sydney, Tina, Gary, and Frederick all sat happily content in the front row cheering and applauding as Myrtle left the stage smiling and thinking, “I have the best friends in the world.”
***********************************************************
A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again.
There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows every week and began to understand what the magician did in every trick. Once he understood that, he started shouting in the middle of the show. "Look, it's not the same hat!"
"Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table! Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?" The magician was furious but couldn't do anything, because it was the captain's parrot after all.
One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood, in the middle of the ocean, and of course the parrot was by his side.
They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for several days.
After a week the parrot finally said, "Okay, okay. I give up. What did you do with the boat?"
_______________________________________________________
A mother and baby camel are talking one day when the baby camel asks, "Mom why have I got these huge three-toed feet?" The mother replies, "Well son, when we trek across the desert your toes will help you to stay on top of the soft sand."
"Okay," said the son. A few minutes later the son asks, "Mom, why have I got these great long eyelashes?" "They are there to keep the sand out of your eyes on the trips through the desert," "Thanks Mom," replies the son.
After a short while, the son returns and asks, "Mom, why have I got these great big humps on my back?" The mother, now a little impatient with the boy replies, "They are there to help us store fat for our long treks across the desert, so we can go without water for long periods."
"That's great mom, so we have huge feet to stop us sinking, and long eyelashes to keep the sand from our eyes and these humps to store water, but Mom ..." "Yes son?"
"Why the heck are we in the Denver Zoo?"
************************************************************
Myrtle the Turtle stood behind the curtain quivering in his shell, his knees knocking like walnuts. He felt like there were flies buzzing around in his tummy but he had to get control over his turtley self, he was next on stage.
************************************************************
Some racehorses were staying in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. "Out of my last 15 races, I've won 8!" Another horse breaks in, "Well out of my last 27 races, I've won 19!" "Oh that's good, but out of my last 36 races, I've won 28," says another, flicking his tail.
At this point, they notice that a greyhound has been sitting nearby listening. "I don't mean to boast," says the greyhound, "but out of MY last 90 races, I've won 88!"
The horses are clearly amazed. "Wow!" says one, after a hushed silence. "A talking dog."
************************************************************
The crowd erupted in laughter and hooted and hollered with applause as Ricky the Raccoon told his closing joke and left the stage. It was Myrtles turn now, his turn, the slow young turtles turn, he had been waiting for this moment his whole life and now here it was before him. This would be his very first time as a professional comedian on stage. As he slowly waddled out in front of the crowd he saw all his friends in the front row seats, ready to cheer him on. They all smiled at him and Tina the tortoise blew him a kiss, Sydney the Squirrel chattered enthusiastically, Frederick Von Frump the Frog croaked encouragingly, and Gary the Gecko slurped a gnat out of the air.
All of these friends made Myrtle feel more at home and gave him courage. He stood up and grabbed the microphone from the stand, dropped it, caught the cord, and pulled it back up to his face. “Testing! Testing 123! Hmmm seems to be working. Glad you all made it out of the swamp to join me here in the bog today.” There were a few hushed giggles.
Myrtle took another deep breath and then said, “So what do you get when you cross a turtle with I-5’s exit 48?…Turtle Soup Of Course!”.
Frederick, Sydney, Gary, and Tina laughed whole-heartedly while a cricket chirped off in the back row somewhere.
“So a turtle walks into a bar,” He contines,”and says to the bartender…’I would like a litre-O-Cola’. Bartender says “We don’t have a litre-O-Cola but if your turn left on Pine street, Left on Main street, and Right on West Evans Creek road you might find a liter-O-Cola at Palmerton Park.’
The crowd looked around apprehensively for another comic that was funnier but none was in sight. Frederick, Sydney, Gary, and Tina shifted in their seats nervously but laughed like it was the funniest joke they had ever heard. Frederick even inflated his head every time he croaked and was squeezed right out of his tiny chair. The crowd then erupted into fits of laughter; nearly choking with tears at the sight of Frederick and Myrtle felt a huge wave of relief. “They think I’m funny, thank goodness, I was so worried they wouldn’t think I was funny.” And he couldn’t help but smile with happiness and briefly wondered why Sydney, Gary and Tina were picking Frederick up off the floor and placing him back in his chair.
“So a teacher, a carpenter, and a salesclerk walk into the middle of a park and stand on a concrete slab fenced in by black rectangles. They stand there at the viewpoint staring at the big ‘turtle-green’ suspension bridge and the small pond below it and the teacher says, ‘Boy, there’s a lot of algae in that water’, the carpenter says, ‘That bridge looks fun to walk on’, the salesclerk says, ‘I bet I could sell both the algae and that bridge to that family of ducks down there for ten bucks, they look like a bunch of quackers!’
The cricket chirped again somewhere in the back row and the crowd stared at Frederick as if hoping to see his head inflate and flop out of his chair again. Myrtle had his eyes closed tightly, waiting to hear the laughter from the crowd, the delay worried him, but then Tina stood up a tap danced a jig and the crowd erupted in laughter once more as she slipped on the polished floor and crash landed right on to Sydney’s tail, which made Sydney jump out of his chair whack Gary in the head, making Gary’s eyes bug-out and his tongue fly out and stick to Frederick. Myrtle was thrilled and opened his eyes to the laughing crowd. “They really do like me, I can’t wait to tell Mama Turtle, the crowd loves me, and they want more!”
“How many concrete slabs does it take to make half a stairway? Six!” He continues, “What happens if you stand on the sixth stair that turns to face the pond? If you stand there facing the pond you might find a turtle sleeping under your left foot hidden behind ivy about six inches in from the front left corner of the slab!”
Even the cricket forgot to chirp at this one. Sydney jumped out of his chair and did his impersonation of the Terminator. He threw on his black Oakley sunglasses, whips out his black leather jacket from the back of his chair, puffs up his furry chest and points his fluffy tail straight out behind him menacingly, and with a severe overbite and badly yellowed buckteeth says “I’ll Be Bock!” in the deepest voice he could make his squeaky throat do. The Crowd went wild with laughter and applause. Tears formed in their eyes from laughing so hard and most of them fell right out of their chairs and rolled on the floor laughing and saying “Squeak, Squeak, Ill Be Bock, Squeak!”
Myrtle was in heaven, he announced to the crowd “Thank you so much my loyal and adoring fans, may we meet again soon for more great jokes!” The crowd went instantly silent, looked dumbfounded, pulled themselves off the floor to look at Myrtle, and then dropped to the floor again laughing and rolling and holding their bellies, “Squeak, Squeak”.
Sydney, Tina, Gary, and Frederick all sat happily content in the front row cheering and applauding as Myrtle left the stage smiling and thinking, “I have the best friends in the world.”
***********************************************************
A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again.
There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows every week and began to understand what the magician did in every trick. Once he understood that, he started shouting in the middle of the show. "Look, it's not the same hat!"
"Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table! Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?" The magician was furious but couldn't do anything, because it was the captain's parrot after all.
One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood, in the middle of the ocean, and of course the parrot was by his side.
They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for several days.
After a week the parrot finally said, "Okay, okay. I give up. What did you do with the boat?"