THIS BOX IS NO LONGER IN EXISTENCE.
In the Colorado mountains where the moose and elk hang out, lived a friendly mountain lion by the name of Sauerkraut. His parents thought that name would make him tough beyond compare, but it’s hard to turn a fuzzy peach into a prickly pear!
Well, anyhow, old Sauerkraut was such a timid soul, if he heard some loud commotion he would crawl into a hole. How he managed to stay gentle, I have yet to figure out, because you’d think he’d be defensive with a name like Sauerkraut!
Well, now and then, old Sauerkraut would take a little stroll, but at times he got a little lost. (Old age can take it’s toll!) He always found his way back home but to his great dismay, he got a bit confused because his house got lost one day!
Alas! Quite soon ol’ Sauerkraut was whining like a pup, ‘cause the poor pathetic kitty didn’t know which way was up! No wonder he was frightened and a bit down in the mouth, because it seems that east was really west and north was really south!
Well, Sauerkraut began to search that whole blamed mountainside, but he couldn’t find his cozy little home to save his hide! He was getting downright nervous and he started to feel cross, ‘cause by then the poor guy didn’t know moose poop from applesauce!
Well, the day turned into night, and still his home he couldn’t find, and he didn’t realize he’d left the mountains far behind. He suddenly saw street lights and headlights from passing cars, but he’d never seen the city so he figured they were stars!
Poor Sauerkraut was pooped so he curled up into a ball, and he woke up in the middle of a busy city mall! ‘Twas the city of Arvada, and it caused a big uproar when he casually went strolling through the J.C. Penney’s store.
One lady swung her purse at him, then she began to shout, and it scared the living crap right out of poor ol’ Sauerkraut! Then next, here came the manager and chased him with a broom, and he shooed that mountain lion from the ladies dressing room!
Well, Sauerkraut took off like he had hornets on his rear! “Good gosh!” he thought. “I’d better get my hiney outta here!” The customers were freaking out! That mall was one hubbub! “Help! Call the Denver Zoo!” they shouted. “Call the Lion’s Club!”
Some folks just stood there staring as if in some sort of trance! Some leaped into their shopping carts, and one gal wet her pants! The cops showed up with BB guns, but they weren’t worth a darn! It seems not one of them could hit the broad side of a barn!
They shot a lamp! They shot a purse! They bruised one fellow’s shin! They shot the yellow bathing suit right off a mannequin! They shot a cashier in the rump which raised an awful welt, then they shot one lady in the hip, smack through her garter belt!
And meanwhile, dear old Sauerkraut just zoomed on through that mall, roaring like a frightened lion, making folks get down and crawl! The cops decided, what the heck, that cat would never stop, so they chucked their guns and headed for the nearest donut shop.
Well, that suited dear ol’ Sauerkraut! On through the mall he sped, and he ran so fast his butt could hardly keep up with his head! Then, out he zipped into the street, like he was wearing wheels, and he ended up on Wadsworth with the traffic at his heels.
Well, that cat was getting weary, but he didn’t stop to rest, and on 72nd Avenue, he turned and headed west. He quickly sped past Carr St. but he found no place to hide, so he flew on down that street with high brick walls on either side.
Then at the very end, he spied a great Majestic View, and he thought, “I think I’ll Park here and decide what I should do.” He spied a bridge and thought that it would make a great hide-out, but the moment that he got there, someone spotted Sauerkraut!
“Let’s get him!” they yelled, loudly. “We can’t have him running loose!” But when Sauerkraut looked to his left, he spied a tall Blue Spruce! He quickly ran around the left of that gigantic tree and he found a nifty hiding place that no one else could see!
He ducked his head and soon that kitty cat was out of sight. He was never seen again, but folks don’t sleep so good at night. I tell them he is harmless, but I guess it’s just no use. They insist Arvada’s got a savage lion on the loose!
Well, I hope someday you’ll find him there, tucked snugly in a box behind a little cement block in back of Kerry Fox. But, if you find him, treat him well. Give him a friendly pat.
He’s now a city kitty and he’s happy where he’s at!