Wisconsin Zombie Alert!  LbNA # 59966

OwnerMartini Man      
Placed DateOct 25 2015
Location???, WI
Found By ???
Last Found Nov 2 2015
Hike Distance3-5 mi
Last EditedNov 2 2015

Time: 1.5-2 hours (depending on how fast you can run away!)

Terrain: Rough in spots with clear paths, but needing improvement. Low areas will definitely be soft or muddy after rains or snow melts. Some very steep, gravelly sections make hiking sticks a plus.

Special WARNING: Hunting IS allowed here so, if you go in hunting season, blaze orange garb is HIGHLY recommended.

(The following is a transcription of law enforcement communications after a cordoning operation conducted to isolate two zombies on the loose. After being spotted shuffling in from Maine, they were briefly known to frequent areas of Rock County, creating a horrific public health hazard despite the heroics of some fearless letterboxers to contain them. They disappeared for a while, made a brief appearance in Michigan, but then they were spotted in ogeksuM at rehcstredab evreserp. Civil authorities reacted and sent in a squad to address the issue. WARNING!!! The following has disturbing portions and is not for the faint of heart….)

“Hello, headquarters, do you copy? We are the parking area and we are gearing up to head into the area of concern. We have left the dogs as we know they are of no use in the target zone and must be left behind.”

“OK. Two of our men have moved through the first intersection heading straight and to the left away from the prairie. They’ve continued over the little bridge and are making their way to a second intersection. Copy.”

“Our squad reached the second intersection, taking the right fork that continued straight northerly. After skirting some trees on a slope, they hit another fork and stayed right. We all continued on past a pond on our right and we are approaching a bench.”

“Headquarters, we have now reached a small clearing after veering left from the bench. The clearing has some old barbed wire on its left side and we seem to be heading into a wooded area. The zombies have clear streaks in the grass and mud since they seem to both be dragging a foot.”

“The trail led up an incline where we took a right at the top and entered an old gravel pit. We went straight across the clearing and wetlands to a gravelly ridge. Here the tracks of these loathsome things took us down a steep drop to a small bridge. It got a little squishy in here but we kept after the spoor and took a left at a hiker sign. We now see a hill with some very tall trees as well as fallen ones and are making our way up.”

“Roger HQ, we are at the top of the hill next to a large V on left. We think we might have one cornered. We have taken 32 steps forward to some root ends on our right. Standing between them we looked north over two trees that fell over one of the fallen root ends and one more that goes under it. We are following the northerly route with caution."

“HQ!!! HQ!!! Man down and I mean REAL down. Hotchkiss got too far in front and spotted a rock wedged in some roots at the end of the northern line we traced. He reached in before we could stop him and ……………… there’s not much left of him. We have the creature contained and I am leaving a detachment here to contain the loathsome thing until we can use a flamethrower to fry it. Meanwhile the rest of us are moving downhill over all this fallen timber to a prairie we see. We think there’s another one on the loose.”

“Command, checking in again. We just got through moving through the prairie we spotted before. This included crossing a small bridge. We then headed north for a while. Then the trail swung south. The search continued on for a long ways without much in the way of landmarks or clues. Now we are at a fork and we think the second zombie took a right here and slithered up a hill we see.”

“HQ, do you copy? After the first ascent, we took another right at a fork and continued up a long hill. We then reached a T and took a left south. We think we are closing in on the grotesque thing as we have just passed a private trail on the right and we spot no signs of it passing that way.”

“Calling in again. We took 15 steps more from that private trail to a sign that says ‘heart attack’ on the right. Boy that pretty closely defines how I felt tracking this monster! There’s also a leaning Y on the left. You have to wonder if the horror bent that on its way around. What’s that, Morris? Wait………….

OK, one of the guys has picked up a real disgusting smell at 100 degrees from the position I just described before. He’s taken 40 steps in to what looks like a short stump…. OH MY GOD! The creature was hiding between the stump and a downed trunk and it’s EATING Morris! Fire, men! Fire!!!!!

“Command, we have to get out of here! This thing is coming for us and we are out of ammo!!! RUN GUYS!!!! Follow me along the main trail to where I think we rejoin the prairie!”

“HURRY! It’s gaining!!! Left at this fork!!! Another left! Hop this rock wall and let’s take this right at the four way! WHAT!!!!!!!!!! Leonard tripped at the wall and was eaten?? Come on!!!

“Straight here at this intersection and take a quick left right after it to skirt the field and maybe we lose this thing! Stay out of the woods and stay right to continue along the field edge! Don’t take that trail on the left now at the top of this hill! Before the barn take THAT left and skirt another field!

“Don’t sit down on the bench! Just because we lost the zombie doesn’t mean they can’t find us again! Now I feel safe entering the woods. WHOA!! Careful going down this steep gravel slope to that T intersection.”

“I think a hard right at the T gets us back to where we left the cars. There I see them. What was that……. WHAT WAS THAT!!!!????

(At this point we lost radio communication. The last thing we heard was a blood-curdling scream…….)